equation of misery

those human girls that are attractive and younger than me 
and were attracted to me 
if they had succeeded in dating and having sex with me 
when I was a younger man 
then that pleasure could have reduced the misery that I felt 
because I was abused and tortured 

but if those attractive young human girls 
that were attracted to me 
had succeeded in dating and having sex with me 
then my life would have become less miserable 
and then that I was abused and tortured 
would have felt less miserable for me 
and if I would have felt less misery because I was abused and tortured 
then maybe the abuse and torture would have increased 
to become more intense and happen more often 
so that my life would have become miserable again 

and if that was subconsciously understood 
by the attractive human girls younger than me 
that were attracted to me 
then that could possibly explain 
that they didn't succeed in dating and having sex with me 

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